Christian?

This is a portion of an essay I had to write for school. For the ones who doesn't quiet know what I really am, here I bring it to you:

After reflecting once, twice, and a billion times about the same topic, I've come to the conclusion that the church and God's followers are indeed wrong in many things. True, who that is experienced in this topic doesn't know about it? By saying this I am not saying anything new, am I? Very well, I am not going to state what's already known though, but the taboos of the church, and the silence of the Christians. The Bible contradicts itself in many things, as chocking at it may sound. What's more, the Christians strongly believe in things that they can't even understand most of the times. It is true indeed that Christianity shows a lot of values that if we could have them in today's society, the world would be at least 80%-90% better (I won't say 100% since the ones who have these values sometimes fail at accomplishing them all). The church preaches about being many things like: being tolerant, pacific, humble, slow at getting angered, among other things. Still, you can see how people inside the very same church are proud because of the church they go to, or because the denominations they belong to, or because of many irrelevant things that Paul has stated as causes of the division of the very own people who follow God. Pride, superstition, lack of knowledge and prejudice, all these things and a couple of more are the main causes of Christians living in a bubble of happiness thinking that everything is alright when it is not. How are they to produce fruits in such miserable spiritual condition? This is simply ironic. Therefore, although I strongly believe in God, I don't limit myself to what the Bible, the church, or the Christians may say. I live by my convictions and I have my own opinions regarding sin, God, and God's Word. I do not wish to live my life as the Christians of nowdays live it for the reasons I have stated above; but I do want, (and I do), respect God and believe in His existence. It is his job to enlight me if I am wrong, and I will not take his place or responsability at this.

Gorgeous Hurt One (Poem to a Friend)

Who's that beautiful girl
Who smiles like she means it
But her smile is empty
And her hope has flown away?
Who's that gorgeous lady?
She's so sweet and delicate
But affection she lacks at great scale
What is hiding under that empty fake smile?
Is she afraid of falling?
What about her scars?
What has become of her after such dark past?
She is a fighter indeed
She continues even if her wounds aren't healed
Gorgeous lady, its ok to cry
When you realize no one is by your side, remember:
The sky is full of stars tonight
All of them shinning to light up your life
You are an admirable girl
Strong, persisting, and brave
Suicide is not your way out
But ''keep going'' is your quote
Even when there's no hope
Oh gorgeous young lady, who life has hurt you that bad
Keep going, I strongly know you'll find your path

Lies

Your stupid lies I blindly believe
Hoping for the things I can never reach
For you always in the end
With what you desire you get away

I can't do more than submit
To your abusive way of being
You don't do more than contributing
To take down my self esteem

I've become quiet for so long
Not like I have another option...
I've tried to be strong
But you guys only know how to destroy
All that I've tried to build up

I give up on you now